作为新父母,您是否担心负面想法?

作为新父母,您是否担心负面想法?
许多新父母常常觉得他们必须隐藏自己的真实感受。
猴子商业图像/ Shutterstock

如果您相信媒体告诉我们的话,除了压倒性的爱,我们应该什么也不会感到, 感谢 and excitement immediately when our baby is born.当我们的宝宝出生时立即感到兴奋。 Although becoming a new parent might indeed be a time of happiness, feeling a far more虽然成为新父母确实确实是一段幸福的时光,但感觉却要多得多 复杂的情绪 实际上比您想象的更普遍。

研究表明,整体幸福感实际上 第一年下降 of having a baby, especially for women.生育,特别是对于女性而言。 Although parents may love their babies very much, it's common to not love尽管父母可能非常爱自己的孩子,但不爱是常见的 随之而来的东西,例如担心金钱,不眠之夜以及与伴侣或朋友失去联系的感觉。

但是,父母常常掩饰自己 真的感觉,认为这些想法是错误的,并且分享这些想法会将它们标记为“坏父母”。 Worries such as this can be a core part of not feeling like a good enough parent and are also common in诸如此类的担忧可能是不觉得自己像个好父母的核心部分,并且在 产后抑郁症.

新父母的心理健康以及育儿第一年可能发生的意外事件是 我最近的书。 I spoke with more than 500 parents who told me how they honestly felt after their baby was born.我与XNUMX多个父母交谈,他们告诉我他们在孩子出生后的感觉。

What was immensely clear from their stories is that there's no one “right way” to feel once you have a baby.他们的故事中非常清楚的是,一旦有了孩子,就没有一种“正确的方式”去感受。 Alongside the positives, parents felt a whole host of emotions they weren't expecting, often saying this was the first time they had spoken openly about their feelings.除了积极的一面,父母还感受到了很多意想不到的情绪,常常说这是他们第一次公开谈论自己的感受。 Here were some of the most common things people felt:这是人们最普遍的感受:

1.不立即爱宝宝

The media would have us believe that the moment a baby is born, parents fall madly in love with them.媒体会让我们相信,婴儿出生的那一刻,父母就会疯狂地爱上他们。 Although this can happen, many parents talked about feeling disconnected or so exhausted they couldn't think about loving anyone.尽管这种情况可能发生,但许多父母谈论的是与他人分离或感到筋疲力尽,以至于无法考虑爱任何人。

Others felt shock that a baby was actually here.其他人对婴儿真的在这里感到震惊。 It can be especially difficult when parents have had a如果父母有一个 创伤性怀孕或分娩, 试管婴儿或以前的损失, 或 早产儿.


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It's normal for bonding to take time.绑定需要一些时间,这是正常的。 However, things like但是,像 皮肤接触紧紧抱着宝宝 在吊索中,甚至给他们一个 温柔的婴儿按摩 都被证明有助于改善人际关系和心理健康。

2.感到无能和不知所措

Another common emotion was feeling terrified by the responsibility of being a new parent.作为新父母的责任使另一种共同的情感感到恐惧。 Many felt shocked that they were now actually expected to care for this baby, despite no tests or training.尽管没有进行任何测试或培训,但许多人感到震惊,因为他们现在实际上已经被期望照料这个婴儿。 Parents remembered feeling like everyone else knew what to do, but they didn't.父母想起了其他人都知道该怎么做的感觉,但他们却不知道。 This feeling is likely exacerbated by us now现在我们可能会加剧这种感觉 以后要生孩子, 远离家庭生活,直到我们拥有自己的孩子时,他们才真正真正地待在婴儿身边。

But many people feel this way.但是很多人都有这种感觉。 And babies are resilient, so it's okay if you don't婴儿有弹性,所以如果你不这样做也可以 做到“完美” 所有的时间。

(您是否担心作为新父母的消极想法)感到不知所措是正常的。 JR-50 / Shutterstock

If you're feeling this way, talking to other new parents or with your health visitor or midwife may help reassure you of just how common these feelings are.如果您有这种感觉,与其他新父母或与您的健康探望者或助产士交谈可能会让您放心,这些感觉有多普遍。 However, if these thoughts are affecting you significantly, do consider但是,如果这些想法对您有重大影响,请考虑 与治疗师交谈 专门支持新父母的人。

3.为您的前世而悲伤

The build-up to having a baby is often all about the birth and buying things for the baby.生育婴儿通常与生育和为婴儿购买物品有关。 When the baby arrives, your life suddenly changes.当婴儿到达时,您的生活突然改变。

It's normal to be shocked, feel regret at how tough some parts can be, and to grieve for your old life – even though you wouldn't actually swap back to it.感到震惊,对某些零件的坚韧性感到遗憾并为自己的旧生活而悲伤是很正常的,即使您实际上并没有退缩。 Part of this, especially for mothers, was feeling like they'd lost their identity and simply becomes someone's “mum”, their days filled with caring for their baby on repeat.其中的一部分,特别是对于母亲而言,感觉像是失去了自己的身份,而成为某人的“妈妈”,他们的日子充斥着对婴儿的照顾。

But missing your old life does not mean you don't love your baby or are a bad parent.但是,失去前世并不意味着您不爱孩子或父母不好。 And it does它确实 随着时间的流逝变得更轻松 当您过渡到新常态时。

4.感到被困–但不想被分开

父母还谈到要休息,同时又不想与婴儿分开。

Mothers talked about jealousy of their partner leaving the house for work, yet dreaded being separated from their baby to do the same.母亲们谈到嫉妒他们的伴侣离开屋子去上班,但又害怕与婴儿分开做同样的事情。 Some counted down the clock until bedtime and then immediately missed their baby.有些人倒计时直到睡觉,然后立即想念他们的孩子。 You might find people get exasperated at you for feeling this way – ignore them.您可能会发现人们因为这种感觉而生气-忽略他们。 You don't have to leave your baby if you don't want to.如果您不想,就不必离开宝宝。 What you probably need is您可能需要的是 其他方式的更多支持例如热食,午睡或只是一些成人陪伴。

If you're a new parent and struggling, it's important to remember that negative and mixed emotions are a normal part of life.如果您是新父母并且在挣扎中,请务必记住,消极情绪和混合情绪是生活的正常部分。 Talking to other parents may help you see you aren't alone in feeling this way.与其他父母交谈可能会帮助您看到您并不孤单。 Having negative emotions about people and the things we love is also normal.对人和我们所爱的事物产生负面情绪也是正常的。 And, perhaps most importantly, people lie on social media.而且,也许最重要的是,人们躺在社交媒体上。 Research shows it's common for new parents to feel they have to share positive messages to the point they研究表明,新父母通常感到自己必须分享积极的信息,直达他们的观点。 修饰甚至说谎 to create a certain image to the world.为世界创造一定的形象Let's not fall for it any more.让我们不再为它所爱。

Altogether, what was clear from my research was the complexity and variability in what parents felt.总之,从我的研究中可以清楚地看出父母的感受的复杂性和可变性。 Emotions could change from one moment to the next, or come all at once.情绪可能会从一瞬间改变到另一瞬间,或一次全部改变。 Being a parent certainly isn't easy – and parents should know that it's okay to feel this way.成为父母当然不是一件容易的事,而且父母应该知道这样感觉是可以的。谈话

关于作者

儿童公共卫生教授艾米·布朗(Amy Brown), 斯旺西大学

本文重新发表 谈话 根据知识共享许可。 阅读 原创文章.

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